Co-Regulation in ABA: Calming Down Side by Side

Co-regulation means calming down with support from another person. You do the calming strategy alongside the learner. You do not just tell them to do it alone.

This matters for BCBAs, RBTs, teachers, and parents. Many learners cannot calm by themselves yet. They need a steady partner before they can go solo.

Co-regulation comes before self-regulation#

We love to write self-regulation goals. That skill is a great long-term target. But it rests on an earlier skill that we often skip.

We spend a lot of time on treatment goals, focusing on self-regulation, self-regulation, self-regulation, and self-regulation is fantastic. However, if you don't have a strong foundation of understanding what regulation is and having co-regulated... you're not at a place where you can self-regulate, you have to engage in co-regulation. From the talk — B. Kuerine Gray

The order is the key point here. First a learner calms with help. Later they learn to calm on their own.

Why some learners require it#

Some profiles make solo calming almost impossible. PDA is one strong example. Loss of control is part of how the behavior shows up.

In her talk on PDA, B. Kuereine Gray explains that these learners require co-regulation. The way their behavior presents means they cannot calm alone. If they could do it on their own, they would be in control. And in that moment, they are not.

So the answer is not a reminder from across the room. It is real support given side by side. Gray describes co-regulation as modeling the strategy, doing it next to the learner, and providing that support. She says this works far better than calling out a reminder about a coping tool, like telling them to take four breaths.

Model it, do not demand it#

Co-regulation works best without pressure. You show your own calming, then invite the learner in. You never force them to copy you.

Co-regulation simply means for me, it's about modeling how I regulate and asking the learner to do that with me. But I'm not going to prompt it. I'm not going to require it. From the talk. Nikki

A demand can shut the whole thing down. So the invite stays soft and open. One nice move is to narrate your own body and offer a choice.

My body's going really fast. My breathing is going fast. I'm talking a little louder and I don't usually talk this loud... Sometimes it's good to have a buddy to help you calm down. You can do it with me. If you want, you're presenting the choice. From the talk — B. Kuerine Gray

Notice there is no command in that script. The adult models the state and the fix. The learner gets to join when ready.

Regulation before demands#

Co-regulation is not a delay tactic. It is the ground floor for learning. Pushing work before a learner is calm rarely helps.

If they're not even able to co-regulate with you, what makes you think that putting that math worksheet back on that desk is going to be successful, right? From the talk. Nikki

The smart move is to teach these skills early. Build them before the big blowups happen. Then you have something to lean on in hard moments. Nicky Schneider makes this the plan in her school talk. She says teams should teach co-regulation on purpose. That means modeling coping skills and engaging in them with the learner, not just assigning them.

There is no single right method#

Co-regulation is not one fixed script. What soothes one learner may not soothe another. You have to fit it to the person in front of you.

There is no one co-regulation methodology that's going to be more successful than the other. It has to be individualized. And that probably means you're going to have to try things out. From the talk — B. Kuerine Gray

So treat it like a small experiment. Try a strategy and watch what happens. Keep what works and drop what does not.

This trial and error is normal, not a failure. Every learner brings a different history and body. What calms them today may shift next month. Staying flexible keeps you ready for that change.

Practice it on purpose#

Co-regulation is a skill you build over time. It should not wait for a crisis. Gray stresses that practicing co-regulation really matters. Reps during calm moments make the skill ready when the hard moment comes.

There is also research to guide your targets. Schneider notes there is quite a bit of literature on co-regulation. Some clinicians use the hexaflex, a map of six flexible skills, to pick what to teach. It helps them identify what type of skills a learner needs to work on in these moments.

You can go deeper on this in PDA: Collaborating for Success. For a school-based angle on the same skill, see School Behavior Change: Is that the hill you are going to die on?.

What the research says#

Research on families supports the co-regulation idea. One study followed toddlers with autism in an early intervention (The co-regulation of emotions between mothers and their children with autism). Coders tracked every distress episode across the sessions. Over time, mothers gave more emotional scaffolding. Children showed less negativity.

Parenting style also shapes how regulation develops. One study looked at anger and fear tasks in preschoolers with autism (Self- and Co-regulation of Anger and Fear in Preschoolers with Autism Spectrum Disorders: The Role of Maternal Parenting Style and Temperament). It found that a flexible parenting style helped support emotion regulation. Both findings point the same way: a supportive partner helps regulation grow.

FAQ#

What is co-regulation in ABA? It is calming down with help from another person. The adult models a strategy and does it alongside the learner. It comes before a learner can self-regulate alone.

How is co-regulation different from self-regulation? Self-regulation is calming on your own. Co-regulation uses a partner for support. Most learners need to co-regulate first before they can self-regulate.

Should you prompt a learner to copy your calming strategy? No. You model the strategy and invite them to join. Forcing or prompting can add pressure and shut the response down.